I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
