Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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