You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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