Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
