Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize