meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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