Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
