Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
