What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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