the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
