so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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