he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
false alarm, still single
Randomize
