I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
