what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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