apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
