yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
