Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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