Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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