epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Every concussion has its silver lining
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
