I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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