So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
