I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
