just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
pray to the hookup gods
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
