she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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