Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
