MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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