he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
