I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize