Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize