dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
