im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
