Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
