That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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