One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize