Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
