Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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