I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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