well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
its liver damage thursday
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize