I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
