so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
