Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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