oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
