oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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