winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
