Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
