I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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