Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
