A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
