we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
