I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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