My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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