Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
