I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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