Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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