nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
