that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize