That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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