Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
