no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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