you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm both gender and math confused
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
