ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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