i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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