Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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