I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you never un-have a 4some
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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