Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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