I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
