I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm at about main and main street
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
