If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize