Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
