hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize