bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
