Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
