Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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