I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The air was thick with penises
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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